***Sandra and Maureen are taking a week off from blogging fun. They’ll be back to their usual schedule next week. In the meantime, please enjoy this guest post by RTB’s Ministry Advancement Director Hannah Palpant.***
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I had never felt this depth of despair. It seemed impossible to reconcile what the Bible presented with the religious and cultural injustices going on in the world around me. The questions and challenges that brought me to this severe crisis of faith were paralyzing, and I could no longer proclaim the faith with a clear conscience—not without answers.
My husband and I were drawn to the ministry of Reasons To Believe after attending a lecture by Dr. Hugh Ross at Azusa Pacific University, where my husband was working at the time. We were ecstatic to find an organization that welcomed questions—we had many—and addressed challenges without fear. This approach provided a solid foundation to begin rebuilding a shattered faith.
I began working for RTB in 2003, and I soon became confident of the answers to my science questions, which helped me feel free to pursue answers to more questions. Meanwhile, my husband had discarded his faith. I felt so alone. And I found it increasingly difficult to encourage him, knowing he needed to find answers for himself as I did.
A great mentor of mine once told me, “Sometimes one has to become an agnostic to relearn who God really is.” We needed time to deconstruct the cultural faith we knew and relearn who God is. After a period of focused study abroad and sharing daily life with an international community of Christian truth-seekers, I knew I wanted to be back at Reasons To Believe, a ministry whose work not only points to the evidence of God’s work in the world but also invites others to wrestle with questions for themselves. (For example, Dr. Hugh Ross’ book Why the Universe Is the Way It Is explores some of life’s “big questions” about the universe and humanity’s place in it.)
During my crisis of doubt and despair, I feared sharing my fragile faith. But now I love to engage with people who are currently on that journey through uncertainty. I also enjoy celebrating with those who found freedom when they were able to connect their faith with science and the world around them. It’s a joy to come alongside others in sharing this freedom and hope.
I also discovered that many other Christians and non-Christians similarly seek answers to difficult questions. In fact, my cousin Andrea Palpant Dilley, who just wrote a book on her own journey, Faith and Other Flat Tires, had struggled, just as I had, with issues of the church and the problem of evil. Sharing with her and reading her story reminded me that we all have a story to tell and a journey that allows us to engage with others on similar treks.
Questions still come up, but I’m confident in the vast amount of evidence that surrounds my faith. Most difficult faith questions cannot be answered in a simple, concise manner. It takes time for people with questions to process their thoughts and feelings and engage in authentic dialogue in a safe place. It’s no small matter to seek and to understand the God who created our universe and how He works in our own lives. Creating safe spaces for people to ponder difficult questions can help bring them to Christ and strengthen their wavering faith.
My husband and I continue to dialog with friends we met overseas as well as friends and family here at home about new questions and realities that face us. A safe environment allows us to have these conversations. I have found RTB to be that place, too.
One of our (the RTB) core values underscores the point.
Communication of those reasons with gentleness, respect, and a clear conscience (1 Peter 3:15b)—because people observe attitude and demeanor as much as they listen to words.
As you think about the exciting evidences for God as Creator and Savior, remember the foundation on which evangelism begins is genuine care about those we’re engaging.
–Hannah
August 3, 2012 at 11:42 am
Thanks, Hannah, for this testimony. You have blessed me by sharing your path and that of your husband as you have come to greater trust and faith in God.
August 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm
Thank you, John, for the encouragement. We all have different paths we take, and I wanted to present a hopeful one.
Thanks again!
HP
August 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm
I am at that place. I have been for almost exactly two years now. I believe in God in times and doubt His existence in others. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever been through. I keep hoping it will somehow come to an end. Your words on this blog really touched me. I wish I could actually talk to you in depth about this because I have never met another “Christian” who has gone through this, and it is hard to identify with people. Thanks for sharing your story.
-Stuart
I will keep fighting this fight for faith.
August 25, 2013 at 9:54 pm
My friend,
That you have never found another christian who has struggled with faith – to me – seems significant. Lots of christians do but a community that seems to reward enthusiasm and sneers at doubt and unbelief doesn’t like to show it.
I went through a similar struggle with faith and no longer believe in god. But you are a human being and one that is hurting so I wanted to encourage you. Do not give up do not give in to despair you are not a failure. You are not strange and unusual and alone. The christian community is ill equipped to handle serious doubt but don’t give up. You cannot see the end so do not give in.
I am not a believer and I cannot help you find your god but I don’t want any part of you to die, hang in there. I remember how painful that time was like.
August 29, 2013 at 12:08 pm
Lee, I appreciate not only your deep concern for my position, but your compassion and encouragement as well. I have been hurt by some of my Christian friends who seem to think its a sin to doubt or question, but I have also grown closer to some as well. If you want to send me an email at f15stuart@gmail.com I think it could be good for both you and I. For some reason, I don’t think you are done searching either. I highly doubt you would eagerly share such a personal detail about yourself if you still were slightly battling yourself. Nonetheless, I would like to ask you a few questions. Not necessarily about faith, but about how you dealt with it. You never know…maybe we could both help each other out a bit. Either way, thanks for the wonderful words. They mean more to me than any scripture verse some of my friends will so quickly throw at me. Because I know this post was from your heart…and you have a good heart my friend.
-Stuart
August 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Stuart, thank you for your comment. I ache to hear that you are in this place and that you have been for sometime too. It was the most painful place for me as well. One good thing that I have found through my own struggles is that I really wasn’t alone. There are other Christians out there who wrestle with God too. Now, it is a part of my story, as it is a part of yours. I do not know where yours will continue, but I’d like to encourage you as you keep fighting for faith.
-Hannah